In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
