So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
