i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
