Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Small penises have feelings too.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
