twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
