You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
