You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
