Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
