3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
