i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
