I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
