Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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