oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
