Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock

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(510): View more from California

They should really pass out barf bags in church

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Just found my car keys in your throw-up.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.

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(302): View more from Delaware

Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses

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(602): View more from Arizona

I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...

(1-602): View more from Arizona

Married life problems?

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(540): View more from Virginia

fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.

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