Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
