We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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