I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
