i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
