After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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