I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
