fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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