My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
