this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize