there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
