Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
