I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
