Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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