dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think we might need a safe word for this...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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