Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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