Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
