perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
