it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Are we still banned from the library?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
