I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
