let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
