does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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