her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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