So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
