the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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