Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
