See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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