it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
