I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
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