I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
