Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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