so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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