If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
