So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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