my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
