We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize