At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
