I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
