last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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