Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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