he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
