I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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