if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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