There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
