Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
