I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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