god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
