strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I still have a little drunk in my system
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
