Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
