I need help removing her.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
