I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
