so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
