I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
