I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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