i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
