how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
