'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
