OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She's the barista slut.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sorry about my life...
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