dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
