What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
