I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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